Thursday, July 29, 2010
Comments
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Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Cautiously Hopeful
Today was the big day! Pregnancy test!! My appointment was at 10:30...I got there at 9:45....I wasn't anxious at all...ha ha. When the tech was drawing my blood I very kindly asked if I could possibly find out my results right then...in the office. Hey, it was worth a shot, right? But, she said no...I would have to wait on a phone message or phone call sometime between 2 and 4. Of course the four hours in between was complete torture. My friends Emily and Jennifer went with me. Emily is a dear friend from high school and was also my college roommate. Jennifer is actually Emily's friend (and my new friend) and a patient at ART. Jennifer also had an appointment this morning, so we car pooled. Who would have ever thought I would be able to car pool to the infertility doctor?? Anyway, after both our appointments were finished we went to window shop at The Summit (teachers are broke this time of the month) and we also ate at Cocina Superior. It was yummy!
As I was driving down 204 headed home my phone rang...instant panic. Of course when I answered I was going through a bad spot which meant not so good reception. Boy, I put the pedal to the metal. I finally got to a spot where I could hear the nurse so I pulled over. She explained that my beta HCG (the pregnancy hormone) is 11.3. Anything less than 5 is considered a negative test and anything greater than 20 is considered positive. So, I am borderline...I may or may not be pregnant. If I am pregnant it is still very early....I would only be 3 1/2 weeks, so that is why the level is low. But it could go either way. I have to go back Monday for another test. Right when I start to pat myself on the back for being so patient these last two weeks...WHAM....wait 5 more days, please. So, I am being cautiously hopeful for the next five days. And I am going to try my best not to go to CVS to buy a basketful of home pregnancy tests. I am a nervous wreck. This has never happened before.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. --Lamentations 3:21-23
As I was driving down 204 headed home my phone rang...instant panic. Of course when I answered I was going through a bad spot which meant not so good reception. Boy, I put the pedal to the metal. I finally got to a spot where I could hear the nurse so I pulled over. She explained that my beta HCG (the pregnancy hormone) is 11.3. Anything less than 5 is considered a negative test and anything greater than 20 is considered positive. So, I am borderline...I may or may not be pregnant. If I am pregnant it is still very early....I would only be 3 1/2 weeks, so that is why the level is low. But it could go either way. I have to go back Monday for another test. Right when I start to pat myself on the back for being so patient these last two weeks...WHAM....wait 5 more days, please. So, I am being cautiously hopeful for the next five days. And I am going to try my best not to go to CVS to buy a basketful of home pregnancy tests. I am a nervous wreck. This has never happened before.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. --Lamentations 3:21-23
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Elizabeth-"God Is My Oath"
I decided to do Elizabeth next since we share the same first name :). Elizabeth was a woman the Bible calls "upright in the sight of God." She is praised for observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations without blame. Does this mean she was sinless and perfect. No. However, she was FAITHFUL and SINCERE. She is also the first to acknowledge Jesus as Lord (more on that to come). Elizabeth's story can be found in Luke 1:5-80.
Elizabeth's husband was Zechariah. He had been chosen to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. While he was doing this an angel, Gabriel, appeared and scared the man half to death. Gabriel said, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John." Being a human, Zechariah's first notion was doubt....wanting to know how he could be sure of this promise delivered by Gabriel. Because of Zechariah's doubt he was not able to speak until the day his son was born.
When Zechariah returned home Elizabeth became pregnant. They remained in seclusion for several months. They did this out of joy, devotion, and gratitude that the Lord had taken away her childlessness. In Elizabeth's sixth month of pregnancy Gabriel made another visit to a young virgin girl to tell her that before long she would also be with child (does the name Mary ring a bell?). For nothing is impossible with God. Elizabeth and Mary were relatives and upon receiving this message from Gabriel Mary decided to visit Elizabeth. I can just picture Mary on her long journey to Elizabeth's home, scared to death about her future, and desperately seeking wisdom from an older woman in her family.
Mary finally made it to the home of Zechariah and Elizabeth. Zechariah greeted Mary and from another room Elizabeth heard Mary's familiar voice. As soon as she heard this voice the baby leaped in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Isn't that amazing?? You see, that is why Elizabeth is considered the first to acknowledge Jesus as Lord.
Elizabeth's neighbors and relatives were delighted to hear that she had given birth to a son. It was practice to name a son after his father. But Elizabeth would not have it. She sternly replied, "No! He is to be called John." The group looked to Zechariah for confirmation. Now, remember Zechariah is mute because of his disbelief during Gabriel's visit. Zechariah grabbed a tablet and wrote, "His name is John." Immediately his mouth opened and he could speak again.....praising God. And that, my friends, is how John the Baptist came to be.....by the way, the name John means "The Lord is Gracious"
John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" --John 1:29
Elizabeth's husband was Zechariah. He had been chosen to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. While he was doing this an angel, Gabriel, appeared and scared the man half to death. Gabriel said, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John." Being a human, Zechariah's first notion was doubt....wanting to know how he could be sure of this promise delivered by Gabriel. Because of Zechariah's doubt he was not able to speak until the day his son was born.
When Zechariah returned home Elizabeth became pregnant. They remained in seclusion for several months. They did this out of joy, devotion, and gratitude that the Lord had taken away her childlessness. In Elizabeth's sixth month of pregnancy Gabriel made another visit to a young virgin girl to tell her that before long she would also be with child (does the name Mary ring a bell?). For nothing is impossible with God. Elizabeth and Mary were relatives and upon receiving this message from Gabriel Mary decided to visit Elizabeth. I can just picture Mary on her long journey to Elizabeth's home, scared to death about her future, and desperately seeking wisdom from an older woman in her family.
Mary finally made it to the home of Zechariah and Elizabeth. Zechariah greeted Mary and from another room Elizabeth heard Mary's familiar voice. As soon as she heard this voice the baby leaped in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Isn't that amazing?? You see, that is why Elizabeth is considered the first to acknowledge Jesus as Lord.
Elizabeth's neighbors and relatives were delighted to hear that she had given birth to a son. It was practice to name a son after his father. But Elizabeth would not have it. She sternly replied, "No! He is to be called John." The group looked to Zechariah for confirmation. Now, remember Zechariah is mute because of his disbelief during Gabriel's visit. Zechariah grabbed a tablet and wrote, "His name is John." Immediately his mouth opened and he could speak again.....praising God. And that, my friends, is how John the Baptist came to be.....by the way, the name John means "The Lord is Gracious"
John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" --John 1:29
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Because I asked the Lord for Him...
Hannah's story is such a comfort to my soul. Let's start out with some background information.
Hannah's story can be found in Samuel 1:1-2:11.
Hannah was married to Elkanah. Elkanah also had another wife, Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. Polygamy was a custom during this time to ensure the birth of a male heir. It was practiced even by godly men, though it was not the original divine intention. Even though Elkanah had two wives, his one true love was Hannah (But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. 1 Samuel 1:5). Peninnah was not a nice girl. She provoked and taunted Hannah. I can't imagine the emotions I would feel if someone were teasing me about my infertility. I probably wouldn't act very godly! I am sure Peninnah was acting out of jealousy because she knew she would never be loved by the man she was married to.
Three times a year Elkanah went to Shiloh to appear before the Lord for a feast that celebrated, with joy and feasting, God's blessing on the year's crops. Imagine how hard this had to be for Hannah. What crops can she be thankful for? The journey was only fifteen miles, but I will assume that every year it seemed longer and longer. This went on year after year. And every time Peninnah provoked Hannah until she wept and would not eat. And Elkanah would say, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" (1 Samuel 1:8).
On this particular trip Hannah stood up from the table and went to the temple. She went into the temple with bitterness in her soul. She cried out to God and made a vow saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head. " (1 Samuel 1:11). Hannah was so consumed by her prayer that the priest thought she was drunk and scolded her. She explained that she was a woman deeply troubled pouring her soul out to the Lord. Can't you just picture it? Hannah is consumed in prayer physically shaking with groans that words cannot express.
Once Hannah left the temple her face was no longer downcast. Why is this? God did not promise her a child. God provided Hannah with a big dose of peace that passes all understanding. The next morning they worshipped and returned home. AND....so in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying "Because I asked the Lord for him." (1 Samuel 1:20)
Now this is great and wonderful, but my first thought when reading is that she has to give him away...she made a vow to God. WOW, Mahala, don't all children belong to God? Hannah nursed Samuel until she weaned him. Once he was weaned she took him to the house of the Lord. Okay...can I just say that I would be one of those strange people in the park nursing a 15 year old!! But she did it...she gave him to the Lord for his whole life. Each year she made him a little robe and took it to him. Then God blessed her again and again...she conceived and gave birth to 3 sons and 2 daughters! And Samuel grew to be a prophet and Israel's last judge. AMAZING!
I leave you with Hannah's Prayer (1 Samuel 2:1-10):
Hannah's story can be found in Samuel 1:1-2:11.
Hannah was married to Elkanah. Elkanah also had another wife, Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. Polygamy was a custom during this time to ensure the birth of a male heir. It was practiced even by godly men, though it was not the original divine intention. Even though Elkanah had two wives, his one true love was Hannah (But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. 1 Samuel 1:5). Peninnah was not a nice girl. She provoked and taunted Hannah. I can't imagine the emotions I would feel if someone were teasing me about my infertility. I probably wouldn't act very godly! I am sure Peninnah was acting out of jealousy because she knew she would never be loved by the man she was married to.
Three times a year Elkanah went to Shiloh to appear before the Lord for a feast that celebrated, with joy and feasting, God's blessing on the year's crops. Imagine how hard this had to be for Hannah. What crops can she be thankful for? The journey was only fifteen miles, but I will assume that every year it seemed longer and longer. This went on year after year. And every time Peninnah provoked Hannah until she wept and would not eat. And Elkanah would say, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" (1 Samuel 1:8).
On this particular trip Hannah stood up from the table and went to the temple. She went into the temple with bitterness in her soul. She cried out to God and made a vow saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head. " (1 Samuel 1:11). Hannah was so consumed by her prayer that the priest thought she was drunk and scolded her. She explained that she was a woman deeply troubled pouring her soul out to the Lord. Can't you just picture it? Hannah is consumed in prayer physically shaking with groans that words cannot express.
Once Hannah left the temple her face was no longer downcast. Why is this? God did not promise her a child. God provided Hannah with a big dose of peace that passes all understanding. The next morning they worshipped and returned home. AND....so in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying "Because I asked the Lord for him." (1 Samuel 1:20)
Now this is great and wonderful, but my first thought when reading is that she has to give him away...she made a vow to God. WOW, Mahala, don't all children belong to God? Hannah nursed Samuel until she weaned him. Once he was weaned she took him to the house of the Lord. Okay...can I just say that I would be one of those strange people in the park nursing a 15 year old!! But she did it...she gave him to the Lord for his whole life. Each year she made him a little robe and took it to him. Then God blessed her again and again...she conceived and gave birth to 3 sons and 2 daughters! And Samuel grew to be a prophet and Israel's last judge. AMAZING!
I leave you with Hannah's Prayer (1 Samuel 2:1-10):
My heart rejoices in the Lord;
in the Lord my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
There is no one holy like the Lord;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.
Do not keep talking so proudly or let your moth speak such arrogance,
for the Lord is a God who knows and by him deeds are weighed.
The bows of the warriors are broken,
but those who stumbled are armed with strength.
Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
but those who were hungry hunger no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
but she who has had many sons pines away.
The Lord brings death and makes alive;
He brings down to the grave and raises up.
The Lord sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts.
He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.
For the foundations of the earth are the Lord's;
upon them he has set the world.
He will guard the feet of his saints,
but the wicked will be silenced in darkness.
It is not by strength that one prevails;
those who oppose the Lord will be shattered.
He will thunder against them from heaven;
the Lord will judge the ends of the earth.
He will give strength to his king and exalt the horn of his anointed.
Women of the Bible
I am studying different women in the Bible who experienced infertility (although it was called barrenness then). I find it interesting to see how they reacted to this heartache, how faithful they were through it all, and how God blessed them (in many more ways that just blessing them with the ability to conceive). I figured I might as well turn my waiting into something productive. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. One of my resources is Women of the Bible: A One-Year Devotional Study of Women in Scripture by Ann Spangler and Jean E. Syswerda.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Waiting....Table for 2...right this way....
Well, the IUI went well. Norman's counts were good. Dr. Honea found my cervix...that's always helpful. Now we just wait 2 weeks to get results. I go back on July 28th for a blood test to see if I'm pregnant. These 2 weeks always draaaaaag on. I shouldn't rush it since school will be starting soon. In the meantime I will try not to read into every little thing my body does in hopes that it is a pregnancy symptom. Wish me luck with that. Thanks for all the prayers and sweet comments, texts, and Facebook messages. Much love.
Monday, July 12, 2010
I have a confession.....
....I parked in an "expectant mothers" space today...there...I said it. Please forgive me especially if you have ever been a true expectant mother and your parking spot was taken. I'm sure karma will come back to visit one of these days. Norman almost died when I pulled into the spot, but we were running late and I had to be back in Jacksonville to teach by 10:00. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Plus, I "expect" to be a mother someday so that counts for something, right??
The lining of my uterus had thickened...yay! It wasn't as thick as they like it, but it was "thick enough" according to the nurse. On my left ovary I have one egg that is nice and plump...two more are still following close behind. We go back for IUI on Wednesday.
On the way home Norman googled all the foods he needs to be eating for his swimmers to be healthy. Here is the list that he gave me:
kiwi
asparagus
pumpkin seeds
salmon
eggs
We are having salmon and asparagus for dinner tonight. Eggs tomorrow morning. And he can snack on pumpkin seeds and kiwi all day tomorrow :) Sounds yummy.
My prayer for the next two weeks: (from my book, Hannah's Hope)
Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off myself. Take my eyes off the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and anymore.
Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.
Lord, You know that I still desire a baby-someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.
Thank you for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!
The lining of my uterus had thickened...yay! It wasn't as thick as they like it, but it was "thick enough" according to the nurse. On my left ovary I have one egg that is nice and plump...two more are still following close behind. We go back for IUI on Wednesday.
On the way home Norman googled all the foods he needs to be eating for his swimmers to be healthy. Here is the list that he gave me:
kiwi
asparagus
pumpkin seeds
salmon
eggs
We are having salmon and asparagus for dinner tonight. Eggs tomorrow morning. And he can snack on pumpkin seeds and kiwi all day tomorrow :) Sounds yummy.
My prayer for the next two weeks: (from my book, Hannah's Hope)
Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off myself. Take my eyes off the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and anymore.
Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.
Lord, You know that I still desire a baby-someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.
Thank you for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!
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