long time, no blog

Hey everyone!! I'm still alive...you were probably wondering! There is really nothing going on around the homefront. What was supposed to be a 1 month break has turned into 2 (and possibly 3 or more). My whole outlook on the process has been not to stress myself out to the point of losing control. With my new job I have been super busy and I knew that adding infertility treatments would be a load that was too heavy for me to bear right now. I'm sure some of you are saying, "gosh, she needs to get over it and get busy!" Trust me, I tell myself that. a lot. I start feeling guilty like I am just letting time pass by while I stand back and watch my biological clock...tick...tock...but I know it would be all in vain if my body is too stressed out to even think about achieving pregnancy. Also, I cannot explain the overwhelming sense of peace that I have on the months that we seek treatment. I start praying about a week before my cycle specifically for peace about the decision. No lightning bolt comes out of the sky followed by a boom of thunder that says, "GO TO THE DOCTORRR." BUT by the first day of my cycle (usually no sooner) I do or don't get a sense of peace about seeking treatment...so far I haven't had that since July. And I'm okay with that.

We are still waiting to begin classes for foster care through Alabama Baptist Children's Home. That is some exciting news!

Now for the not so fun stuff....Norman and I have felt "attacked" lately. I won't go into detail, but Norman shared some things with me that were said on his job and there have been some other things that have gone on to make me feel this way. This is a first. I have experienced a lot of emotions through all of this...anger, jealousy, fear, helplessness, saddness, etc...but the feeling of being attacked in my weakness is new. I am having a hard time getting over it. I am praying daily for God to lift these grudges off my heart. Every day a little more chips off...praise God. Please say a special prayer for me...I am not an angry person by nature and it really breaks my heart to feel this way.

Maybe my next post won't be over a month from now....we shall see :)