long time, no blog

Hey everyone!! I'm still alive...you were probably wondering! There is really nothing going on around the homefront. What was supposed to be a 1 month break has turned into 2 (and possibly 3 or more). My whole outlook on the process has been not to stress myself out to the point of losing control. With my new job I have been super busy and I knew that adding infertility treatments would be a load that was too heavy for me to bear right now. I'm sure some of you are saying, "gosh, she needs to get over it and get busy!" Trust me, I tell myself that. a lot. I start feeling guilty like I am just letting time pass by while I stand back and watch my biological clock...tick...tock...but I know it would be all in vain if my body is too stressed out to even think about achieving pregnancy. Also, I cannot explain the overwhelming sense of peace that I have on the months that we seek treatment. I start praying about a week before my cycle specifically for peace about the decision. No lightning bolt comes out of the sky followed by a boom of thunder that says, "GO TO THE DOCTORRR." BUT by the first day of my cycle (usually no sooner) I do or don't get a sense of peace about seeking treatment...so far I haven't had that since July. And I'm okay with that.

We are still waiting to begin classes for foster care through Alabama Baptist Children's Home. That is some exciting news!

Now for the not so fun stuff....Norman and I have felt "attacked" lately. I won't go into detail, but Norman shared some things with me that were said on his job and there have been some other things that have gone on to make me feel this way. This is a first. I have experienced a lot of emotions through all of this...anger, jealousy, fear, helplessness, saddness, etc...but the feeling of being attacked in my weakness is new. I am having a hard time getting over it. I am praying daily for God to lift these grudges off my heart. Every day a little more chips off...praise God. Please say a special prayer for me...I am not an angry person by nature and it really breaks my heart to feel this way.

Maybe my next post won't be over a month from now....we shall see :)

It is well with my soul....

I had a phone appt. with Dr. Honea last Tuesday. She was very encouraging. She told me that even though what happened was not easy or good news, it is a GOOD SIGN. She said it lets us know that what we are doing can work. It is very common for this to happen. She said it happened to her 3 times before she became pregnant with her daughter. I just love the fact that she personally knows what this is like. It was so sweet...her first words when I picked up the phone were, "Hey baby doll, I'm sorry." Isn't that sweet? Anyway, she also suggested that I have an HSG test done to make sure that my tubes are clear. I had this done over a year ago, but she suggests one per year until pregnancy is achieved. Norman and I went back and forth for a few days about whether or not to jump right in or take a month off since school was starting back. Since this is extremely stressful and time consuming, we decided to wait until September. So, I guess this will give me plenty of time to finish up my studt on Women in the Bible! I would like to leave you with one of my favorite hymns.....

Please click here to hear Mahalia Jackson sing "It is Well"

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It was negative...not a good pregnancy. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about what comes next. I will keep you posted.

Also, I start back to work tomorrow. For those of you who work with me I would appreciate it if you didn't make a big deal when you see me. My emotions and hormones are crazy right now and I might just melt. Please don't take this personally....It is just how I am choosing to cope right now.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
--2 Corinthians 12:9

Our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever!
--2 Corinthians 4:17

She gave birth to a nation....

....but for many years all Sarah yearned for was one small child she could kiss and cradle.

Sarah's story comes from Genesis 12:1-20; 16:1-8; 17:1-22; 18:1-15; 21:1-13; Galatians 4:22-31.

God called Abram (Sarah's husband) to leave his country, his people, and his family for a foreign land. God promised Abram, "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing" (Gen. 12:2). So, at the age of 75, Abram set out for the great journey. Now, that is what I call prompt obedience! He took Sarai (later known as Sarah), Lot (his nephew), and other possessions. Destination: Canaan.

When a famine struck Abram went down to Egypt to live. He knew that if he claimed beautiful Sarai as his wife the Egyptians would kill him. So he devised a plan and asked Sarai to say she was his sister. Sarah followed along with the plan and it worked. Sarai was taken into Pharoh's palace to become part of his harem, and Abram was treated well for her sake. But, there were consequences. The Lord inflicted diseases on Pharoh and his household and Abram's lie was exposed. Abram and Sarai were sent away.

Now since Sarai had not had any children and she was thinking that God had failed to follow through on his promise. She advised Abram to sleep with Hagar (a maidservant)in order to have a child. Abram agreed and Hagar conceived. Shortly after conceiving Hagar began to despise Sarai. Sounds very familiar....do Hannah and Peninnah ring a bell? Sarai began to mistreat Hagar and eventually Hagar ran away. An angel appeared to Hagar in the desert and commanded her to go back and submit to Sarai promising to increase her descendants. Hagar gave birth to a son, and Abram named him Ishmael.

Thirteen years later when Abram was 99 the Lord appeared to him and said, "I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blameless. I will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers." Abram fell on his face and God said to him, "As for me, this is my covenant with you; You will be the father of many nations. No longer will you be called Abram; your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you." (Gen. 17:1-6). God also said, "As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah. I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come of her" (Gen. 17:15-16).

Sometime later the Lord appeared to Abraham again in the form of 3 visitors (2 angels and the Lord himself). Abraham rushed into his tent to get food and drinks to welcome his visitors. While they were visiting the Lord told Abraham that he would return in 1 year and bless Sarah with a son. Of course, being a woman, Sarah was eavesdropping and upon hearing this she couldn't help but laugh to herself. I guess I would too if I was told I would bear a child at the age of 90!

The Lord blessed Sarah with a son whom Abraham named Isaac (which means "laughter"). God accomplishes his purposes despite our frailties, our little faith, and our self-reliance. This is truly an adventure that began with promise and ended with laughter.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. --Psalm 130:5

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Cautiously Hopeful

Today was the big day! Pregnancy test!! My appointment was at 10:30...I got there at 9:45....I wasn't anxious at all...ha ha. When the tech was drawing my blood I very kindly asked if I could possibly find out my results right then...in the office. Hey, it was worth a shot, right? But, she said no...I would have to wait on a phone message or phone call sometime between 2 and 4. Of course the four hours in between was complete torture. My friends Emily and Jennifer went with me. Emily is a dear friend from high school and was also my college roommate. Jennifer is actually Emily's friend (and my new friend) and a patient at ART. Jennifer also had an appointment this morning, so we car pooled. Who would have ever thought I would be able to car pool to the infertility doctor?? Anyway, after both our appointments were finished we went to window shop at The Summit (teachers are broke this time of the month) and we also ate at Cocina Superior. It was yummy!

As I was driving down 204 headed home my phone rang...instant panic. Of course when I answered I was going through a bad spot which meant not so good reception. Boy, I put the pedal to the metal. I finally got to a spot where I could hear the nurse so I pulled over. She explained that my beta HCG (the pregnancy hormone) is 11.3. Anything less than 5 is considered a negative test and anything greater than 20 is considered positive. So, I am borderline...I may or may not be pregnant. If I am pregnant it is still very early....I would only be 3 1/2 weeks, so that is why the level is low. But it could go either way. I have to go back Monday for another test. Right when I start to pat myself on the back for being so patient these last two weeks...WHAM....wait 5 more days, please. So, I am being cautiously hopeful for the next five days. And I am going to try my best not to go to CVS to buy a basketful of home pregnancy tests. I am a nervous wreck. This has never happened before.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. --Lamentations 3:21-23

Elizabeth-"God Is My Oath"

I decided to do Elizabeth next since we share the same first name :). Elizabeth was a woman the Bible calls "upright in the sight of God." She is praised for observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations without blame. Does this mean she was sinless and perfect. No. However, she was FAITHFUL and SINCERE. She is also the first to acknowledge Jesus as Lord (more on that to come). Elizabeth's story can be found in Luke 1:5-80.

Elizabeth's husband was Zechariah. He had been chosen to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. While he was doing this an angel, Gabriel, appeared and scared the man half to death. Gabriel said, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John." Being a human, Zechariah's first notion was doubt....wanting to know how he could be sure of this promise delivered by Gabriel. Because of Zechariah's doubt he was not able to speak until the day his son was born.

When Zechariah returned home Elizabeth became pregnant. They remained in seclusion for several months. They did this out of joy, devotion, and gratitude that the Lord had taken away her childlessness. In Elizabeth's sixth month of pregnancy Gabriel made another visit to a young virgin girl to tell her that before long she would also be with child (does the name Mary ring a bell?). For nothing is impossible with God. Elizabeth and Mary were relatives and upon receiving this message from Gabriel Mary decided to visit Elizabeth. I can just picture Mary on her long journey to Elizabeth's home, scared to death about her future, and desperately seeking wisdom from an older woman in her family.

Mary finally made it to the home of Zechariah and Elizabeth. Zechariah greeted Mary and from another room Elizabeth heard Mary's familiar voice. As soon as she heard this voice the baby leaped in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Isn't that amazing?? You see, that is why Elizabeth is considered the first to acknowledge Jesus as Lord.

Elizabeth's neighbors and relatives were delighted to hear that she had given birth to a son. It was practice to name a son after his father. But Elizabeth would not have it. She sternly replied, "No! He is to be called John." The group looked to Zechariah for confirmation. Now, remember Zechariah is mute because of his disbelief during Gabriel's visit. Zechariah grabbed a tablet and wrote, "His name is John." Immediately his mouth opened and he could speak again.....praising God. And that, my friends, is how John the Baptist came to be.....by the way, the name John means "The Lord is Gracious"

John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" --John 1:29