a little more fun

I am trying to have "a little more fun" with my blog. I don't want anyone to be under the impression that my life revolves around getting pregnant. I have so many things in my life that bring me joy. Reading is one of them! Here are a few books I am reading now....

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My grandmother loaned me these 3 books. I am almost done with the third. I love, love, love the time period!!



I am reading/studying this book with a group of women. I think we are all becoming more aware of how to live live more externally focused...especially this time of year!

Ummm...I'm kinda reading this book. I started it before my surgery. I am of the belief that if you have surgery you can eat whatever you want. BUT...back to reality. I looked at it collecting dust on my kitchen counter tonight and figured I better take a peek. I need to begin "phase one" soon!!!

OK...I hope that was fun!

Oh yeah, I got all the pictures from http://www.amazon.com/



SPIRIT

There are 2 reasons for this post:

1. This past spring I was blessed to be part of a Bible study that read this book.
It is about how believers have neglected the Holy Spirit and the power that it has in our lives...very eye-opening. I should probably read it again soon.

2. I recently began reading this blog and she does something called "Sunday Scriptures". I love this idea. So, I decided to start my own...conveniently, the sermon at church this morning was on the Holy Spirit. So, I would like to share a few verses that I find comforting regarding the Holy Spirit.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

-Romans 8:26

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me...For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

My the God of hope full you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

-Romans 15:13

"You see, he didn't have to go. He had a choice. He could have stayed. He could have kept his mouth shut. He could have ignored the call or at least postponed it. And had he chosen to stay, who would've known? Who would have blamed him? "He could have come back as a man in another era when society wasn't so volatile, when religion wasn't so stale, when people would listen better. "He could have come back when crosses were out of style. "But his heart wouldn't let him. If there was hesitation on the part of his humanity, it was overcome by the compassion of his divinity. His divinity heard the voices. His divinity heard the hopeless cries of the poor, the bitter accusations of the abandoned, the dangling despair of those who are trying to save themselves. "And you can be sure of one thing. Among the voices that found their way into that carpentry shop in Nazareth was your voice. Your silent prayers uttered on tearstained pillows were heard before they were said. Your deepest questions about death and eternity were answered before they were asked. And your direst need, your need for a Savior, was met before you ever sinned. "

-Max Lucado

healing

it's never easy. i spent a good part of my afternoon at the wound clinic. it appears that i have a tiny spot of my incision that is not healing properly. i won't bore you (or gross you out) with the details, but hopefully the course of treatment will help me be all better soon.

"my wound has to heal from the inside out"-- i've said those words many times since friday to people who have asked how my post-op visit went. but, tonight that simple sentence just took on a whole new meaning.

so many people hurt...i'm not the only person with a story of struggle, and i am definitely not the one with the most tragic story. when i look around i am so blessed.

however, since my surgery i truly feel healing from the inside out...not physically, but emotionally...spiritually. it seems kind of wierd that a surgery to hopefully "cure" my infertility would be the thing that helps me be okay if i never conceive, but it has. over the last two weeks i've come to the conclusion that i've done almost everything that human hands can do.

dr. honea told me that she was able to remove everything that needed to come out, and we would work aggressively to get pregnant to try to beat it before it grows back. so, that is the plan. i will continue to seek infertility treatments over the next few months, but if the tumors and adenomyosis beat me...then...oh gosh...can't believe i'm saying this...I'M DONE. if that happens i'm not going to act like i won't be crushed. i will be crushed. His grace is sufficient.

When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

Psalm 73:21-28

home and resting

I am home and resting. The surgery went well. Dr. Honea said that the tumor was a little smaller than she expected. However, there was quite a bit more adenomyosis than they expected. The good news is that they removed it all!

We arrived at the hospital around 9:30 and I did not go back for surgery until 2:00. Since I was not allowed to eat or drink after midnight the night before I was DYING! I experienced a lot of nausea after surgery, but once that was under control it has been smooth sailing. I had one more round of nausea Sunday morning because I took my pain meds on an empty stomach.

I had a nurse nicknamed "Sarge" on Saturday. Early Saturday morning the nurse removed my catheter. That afternoon Sarge came in and asked how many trips I had taken to the restroom. Well...the answer was 0. She did a scan of my bladder and discovered that it was dangerously full. She jerked me out of the bed so fast and had me speed walking up and down those halls. I was so mad at her. I was calling her ugly names under my breath. But..it worked. I discovered..you can get me to do just about anything if you threaten me with a catheter! Even though Sarge was rough in her approach she saved me from some real pain. When her shift was over she came and hugged me and wished me luck...she also reminded me to keep walking and moving. She does not play!!!

Anyway, I go back tomorrow to have my staples removed...I have six. Meanwhile, my husband is spoiling me. He is cleaning, doing laundry, grooming the dogs, grocery shopping, and putting up Christmas decorations. Norman and my mom put up the tree last night..it's so pretty!!! Now I am going to thoroughly enjoy these 2 weeks off! Happy Thanksgiving to All!!

Surgery Tomorrow

Just wanted to update everyone. I report to Brookwood at 9:30 am tomorrow (Friday)....not sure exactly what time the surgery will be.

I will be in the hospital 1-2 nights....more than likely coming home on Sunday.

I will keep you updated. :) And I don't have to ask for your prayers...I know you already have it covered!! Lots of love.....

YAY for Lisa and Clint!!

I asked for prayer for Clint and Lisa in my last post. I just hung up with Lisa...GUESS WHAT??? They got picked by a birthmom!! YAY! The baby is due in April. Lisa and Clint will meet the birthmom sometime in January. Please pray for the birthmom each day.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy. --Proverbs 13:12

Listen to mahala_turners Playlist

Surgery

It's official...I have a fibroid tumor the size of a half dollar in my uterus. Dr. Honea said that it's got to come out. Even if I had gotten pregnant, I would have miscarried. Thank you, Jesus, for protecting me from the heartache of a miscarriage. My surgery is scheduled for November 19th at Brookwood Hospital. I will be out of work for 2 weeks and fully recovered in 6 weeks. I hope I can still eat a big Thanksgiving meal! :)

Now, everyone's first question is, "How are they just now seeing it? You have ultrasounds several times a month??" Good question. But as I thought about it, this is what I have concluded. We did not seek fertility treatments all summer. In July we finally went back to the doctor. A red flag went up during that visit that indicated a possible fibroid. We didn't get pregnant....we didn't go back...until October. So, you can see that the fibroid could have been growing since sometime in the Spring.

On another note, I have a very special prayer request. I have not traveled down this road alone. I have a dear friend, Lisa, who has been travelling the same road. Her and her husband, Clint, have decided to pursue adoption. Their "book" is being shown to a birth mother next week. Please pray for the mother as she makes this difficult decision. Also, pray for Lisa and Clint as they are waiting to hear.

LISTEN TO THE MUSTN'TS
Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child,
Listen to the DON'TS
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.
--Shel Silverstein

I had to decorate a table at a reading conference this week. My theme was "Where the Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein. I just fell in love with this poem.

It was negative...It never gets easier.

I stepped in wet grout this morning.....

...and then my sunkist was leaking. Yes, I had one of those embarrassing mishaps at Winn-Dixie this morning. Somehow I did not see the huge section of the floor that was being re-tiled and stepped right in it. Can I say...slip and slide. Right after I looked around to make sure no one saw me I realized I had wet, sticky grout all over my feet, flip-flops, and pants. Lovely. I proceeded to get my 8 pack of Sunkist that come in those "cute" little bottles. I got almost to the cash register when I realized that one of those "cute" little bottles was leaking all over me and I had a left a trail. What a way to start the day. Once I got to work I cleaned up as best I could, but my big toe stuck to my flip-flop all day. It's okay...you can laugh.

A little later my nurse called to tell me some information that kind of blindsided me. I'm still trying to process it and not get all worked up. For a while they have been measuring what appears to be a fibroid in my uterus. It appears that it has grown some. A normal ultrasound cannot detect the actual size. The nurse said if I'm not preggo this time, then Dr. Honea would like for me to have an SIS done so that they can get an accurate measurement of the fibroid. Once this procedure is done they will know what steps to take next. I know some options include medication (possibly birth control) or surgery. So, here's the reasons my heart is heavy and I am feeling doubtful and discouraged.

1. I'm probably not pregnant.
2. If I am pregnant, I could have a miscarriage.
3. I DON'T want to take birth control OR have surgery.

Norman was right...satan is trying his best to plant seeds of doubt in my heart. I should probably change my name to Peter or some feminine form of Peter.

10 Things You Should Know about Uterine Fibroids

Look Who's Talking...hopefully!

We arrived at the hospital at 7:30 and were called back for the IUI a little after 9. Once we were called back to our room the nurse told us that all the doctors were in surgery and we would wait until one was available. She assured us it would be as soon as possible. Most of you probably don't know this, but today is the opening day of deer season...Norman was constantly looking at his watch and had the room not been so tiny he would have been pacing.I felt so sorry for him. Not too much later Dr. Houserman came in and did her magic. I had an ultrasound afterward which showed lots of good signs...hazy eggs (which means they are starting to collapse and ovulation has begun), fluid on the uterus, and "swimmers" in my lining! All good signs. Norman and I got tickled because we both kept thinking about the beginning of the movie, "Look Who's Talking". If you've seen the movie...you get the visual! Hopefully, that is EXACTLY what's going on right now except the Beach Boys aren't singing "I Get Around" in the background!

Now I am home on the couch resting and relaxing. Norman is in the woods where he will stay all weekend. Thank you for sending sweet texts to me this morning...it meant a lot. I go Wednesday (Oct. 20th) for bloodwork to make sure my progesterone level is good. If not, I will increase my dosage. On Wednesday, October 27th we will have a pregnancy test.

Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all. --Emily Dickinson

IUI on Friday

Everything went well today. The 2 eggs that were on my left ovary on Monday are still there, but now they are much bigger. The lining of my uterus is measuring where it should be! We go Friday morning for the IUI. If you have a chance that morning to stop what you're doing at 9:00 to pray for us we would be honored for you to pray on our behalf. Norman's appointment is at 7:30, but the actual procedure should take place around 9:00. We covet your prayers.

Tubes are Clear!

Today went well. My mom and I rolled out of our beds at 4:30 this morning, got dressed, and hit the road. I'm so thankful we were able to spend the whole weekend together. I can never get enough of my mama!

By 8:00 I was poked and prodded...literally. :)
Bloodwork looked good...on to the ultrasound. I have 2 eggs on my left ovary that are almost ready. My uterine lining is thin...it was thin last cycle as well. This is where implantation occurs so it's ideal to have a comfy lining for all that good stuff to happen. Hopefully, it will thicken between now and Wednesday when I go back. I will return on Wednesday to check the eggs to see if they have gotten big enough.

After all that good stuff we headed down to outpatient registration for the HSG procedure. I was nervous because the last time I had this procedure it was painful. The doctor that did the procedure had the best bedside manner of ANY doctor I have ever seen! He was so kind and gentle. He assured me it wouldn't hurt as bad as last time...and he was right! My tubes were clear and my uterus looked good. He said he would look over the x-ray along with my ultrasound and let me know if there was anything to be concerned about. No news is good news, I guess!

We were out of there by 9:15! We headed to Panera Bread for breakfast...I had a ham and swiss souflee and mama had a jalapeno, ham, and cheese sandwich. It was all yummy! We did some shopping at the Summit and Trussville. We topped off the day with lunch at Chili's.

Now, I'm at home and crashing on the couch where I plan to stay until Norman wakes me up and I stumble to bed. If anyone knows any foods or natural remedies to thicken the lining of my uterus please share! You know I already googled it!

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
— Psalm 62:8 (NIV)

Happy Fall!

Please click here and listen while you read :) Open in a new tab so you can read and listen at the same time.


Isn't it funny how a new season brings a sense of refreshment and excitement?? For me, it doesn't matter if it's the beginning of spring, fall, summer, or winter...I get a little giddy with each new season. I hope you all have enjoyed a few football games, pumpkins, mums, falling leaves, and cooler weather.

I went to the doctor today and really enjoyed some alone time and the beautiful weather. I left home at 6 am, so I had to drive in the dark for a little while, but it was nice to see the sunrise which reminded me of God's faithfulness every day when he sets the sun in motion. We are starting a new round of treatment this month. This is the first time since July. It's oral meds starting tonight and injections starting Friday. On Monday I will go for an ultrasound, bloodwork, and the hsg procedure.

The HSG procedure is where the doctor will inject dye into my fallopian tubes and use an x-ray to make sure there are no blockages. I had one about 2 years ago, but she recommends that we do another since it's been a while.

I'm very excited about this new cycle, however I'm bummed because I had planned to participate in a triathlon on Sunday. Well, I'm just a little nervous about putting my body under the physical stress a day before the procedure and just a few days before our IUI. It's just not worth the risk! I told Norman there will be tons more triathlons between now and the day I die. Oh well, I'll get over it. I just wish I hadn't put it on facebook...ha ha! Well, I guess that's all for now. Lots of love.

long time, no blog

Hey everyone!! I'm still alive...you were probably wondering! There is really nothing going on around the homefront. What was supposed to be a 1 month break has turned into 2 (and possibly 3 or more). My whole outlook on the process has been not to stress myself out to the point of losing control. With my new job I have been super busy and I knew that adding infertility treatments would be a load that was too heavy for me to bear right now. I'm sure some of you are saying, "gosh, she needs to get over it and get busy!" Trust me, I tell myself that. a lot. I start feeling guilty like I am just letting time pass by while I stand back and watch my biological clock...tick...tock...but I know it would be all in vain if my body is too stressed out to even think about achieving pregnancy. Also, I cannot explain the overwhelming sense of peace that I have on the months that we seek treatment. I start praying about a week before my cycle specifically for peace about the decision. No lightning bolt comes out of the sky followed by a boom of thunder that says, "GO TO THE DOCTORRR." BUT by the first day of my cycle (usually no sooner) I do or don't get a sense of peace about seeking treatment...so far I haven't had that since July. And I'm okay with that.

We are still waiting to begin classes for foster care through Alabama Baptist Children's Home. That is some exciting news!

Now for the not so fun stuff....Norman and I have felt "attacked" lately. I won't go into detail, but Norman shared some things with me that were said on his job and there have been some other things that have gone on to make me feel this way. This is a first. I have experienced a lot of emotions through all of this...anger, jealousy, fear, helplessness, saddness, etc...but the feeling of being attacked in my weakness is new. I am having a hard time getting over it. I am praying daily for God to lift these grudges off my heart. Every day a little more chips off...praise God. Please say a special prayer for me...I am not an angry person by nature and it really breaks my heart to feel this way.

Maybe my next post won't be over a month from now....we shall see :)

It is well with my soul....

I had a phone appt. with Dr. Honea last Tuesday. She was very encouraging. She told me that even though what happened was not easy or good news, it is a GOOD SIGN. She said it lets us know that what we are doing can work. It is very common for this to happen. She said it happened to her 3 times before she became pregnant with her daughter. I just love the fact that she personally knows what this is like. It was so sweet...her first words when I picked up the phone were, "Hey baby doll, I'm sorry." Isn't that sweet? Anyway, she also suggested that I have an HSG test done to make sure that my tubes are clear. I had this done over a year ago, but she suggests one per year until pregnancy is achieved. Norman and I went back and forth for a few days about whether or not to jump right in or take a month off since school was starting back. Since this is extremely stressful and time consuming, we decided to wait until September. So, I guess this will give me plenty of time to finish up my studt on Women in the Bible! I would like to leave you with one of my favorite hymns.....

Please click here to hear Mahalia Jackson sing "It is Well"

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It was negative...not a good pregnancy. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about what comes next. I will keep you posted.

Also, I start back to work tomorrow. For those of you who work with me I would appreciate it if you didn't make a big deal when you see me. My emotions and hormones are crazy right now and I might just melt. Please don't take this personally....It is just how I am choosing to cope right now.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
--2 Corinthians 12:9

Our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever!
--2 Corinthians 4:17

She gave birth to a nation....

....but for many years all Sarah yearned for was one small child she could kiss and cradle.

Sarah's story comes from Genesis 12:1-20; 16:1-8; 17:1-22; 18:1-15; 21:1-13; Galatians 4:22-31.

God called Abram (Sarah's husband) to leave his country, his people, and his family for a foreign land. God promised Abram, "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing" (Gen. 12:2). So, at the age of 75, Abram set out for the great journey. Now, that is what I call prompt obedience! He took Sarai (later known as Sarah), Lot (his nephew), and other possessions. Destination: Canaan.

When a famine struck Abram went down to Egypt to live. He knew that if he claimed beautiful Sarai as his wife the Egyptians would kill him. So he devised a plan and asked Sarai to say she was his sister. Sarah followed along with the plan and it worked. Sarai was taken into Pharoh's palace to become part of his harem, and Abram was treated well for her sake. But, there were consequences. The Lord inflicted diseases on Pharoh and his household and Abram's lie was exposed. Abram and Sarai were sent away.

Now since Sarai had not had any children and she was thinking that God had failed to follow through on his promise. She advised Abram to sleep with Hagar (a maidservant)in order to have a child. Abram agreed and Hagar conceived. Shortly after conceiving Hagar began to despise Sarai. Sounds very familiar....do Hannah and Peninnah ring a bell? Sarai began to mistreat Hagar and eventually Hagar ran away. An angel appeared to Hagar in the desert and commanded her to go back and submit to Sarai promising to increase her descendants. Hagar gave birth to a son, and Abram named him Ishmael.

Thirteen years later when Abram was 99 the Lord appeared to him and said, "I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blameless. I will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers." Abram fell on his face and God said to him, "As for me, this is my covenant with you; You will be the father of many nations. No longer will you be called Abram; your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you." (Gen. 17:1-6). God also said, "As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah. I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come of her" (Gen. 17:15-16).

Sometime later the Lord appeared to Abraham again in the form of 3 visitors (2 angels and the Lord himself). Abraham rushed into his tent to get food and drinks to welcome his visitors. While they were visiting the Lord told Abraham that he would return in 1 year and bless Sarah with a son. Of course, being a woman, Sarah was eavesdropping and upon hearing this she couldn't help but laugh to herself. I guess I would too if I was told I would bear a child at the age of 90!

The Lord blessed Sarah with a son whom Abraham named Isaac (which means "laughter"). God accomplishes his purposes despite our frailties, our little faith, and our self-reliance. This is truly an adventure that began with promise and ended with laughter.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. --Psalm 130:5

Comments

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Cautiously Hopeful

Today was the big day! Pregnancy test!! My appointment was at 10:30...I got there at 9:45....I wasn't anxious at all...ha ha. When the tech was drawing my blood I very kindly asked if I could possibly find out my results right then...in the office. Hey, it was worth a shot, right? But, she said no...I would have to wait on a phone message or phone call sometime between 2 and 4. Of course the four hours in between was complete torture. My friends Emily and Jennifer went with me. Emily is a dear friend from high school and was also my college roommate. Jennifer is actually Emily's friend (and my new friend) and a patient at ART. Jennifer also had an appointment this morning, so we car pooled. Who would have ever thought I would be able to car pool to the infertility doctor?? Anyway, after both our appointments were finished we went to window shop at The Summit (teachers are broke this time of the month) and we also ate at Cocina Superior. It was yummy!

As I was driving down 204 headed home my phone rang...instant panic. Of course when I answered I was going through a bad spot which meant not so good reception. Boy, I put the pedal to the metal. I finally got to a spot where I could hear the nurse so I pulled over. She explained that my beta HCG (the pregnancy hormone) is 11.3. Anything less than 5 is considered a negative test and anything greater than 20 is considered positive. So, I am borderline...I may or may not be pregnant. If I am pregnant it is still very early....I would only be 3 1/2 weeks, so that is why the level is low. But it could go either way. I have to go back Monday for another test. Right when I start to pat myself on the back for being so patient these last two weeks...WHAM....wait 5 more days, please. So, I am being cautiously hopeful for the next five days. And I am going to try my best not to go to CVS to buy a basketful of home pregnancy tests. I am a nervous wreck. This has never happened before.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. --Lamentations 3:21-23

Elizabeth-"God Is My Oath"

I decided to do Elizabeth next since we share the same first name :). Elizabeth was a woman the Bible calls "upright in the sight of God." She is praised for observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations without blame. Does this mean she was sinless and perfect. No. However, she was FAITHFUL and SINCERE. She is also the first to acknowledge Jesus as Lord (more on that to come). Elizabeth's story can be found in Luke 1:5-80.

Elizabeth's husband was Zechariah. He had been chosen to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. While he was doing this an angel, Gabriel, appeared and scared the man half to death. Gabriel said, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John." Being a human, Zechariah's first notion was doubt....wanting to know how he could be sure of this promise delivered by Gabriel. Because of Zechariah's doubt he was not able to speak until the day his son was born.

When Zechariah returned home Elizabeth became pregnant. They remained in seclusion for several months. They did this out of joy, devotion, and gratitude that the Lord had taken away her childlessness. In Elizabeth's sixth month of pregnancy Gabriel made another visit to a young virgin girl to tell her that before long she would also be with child (does the name Mary ring a bell?). For nothing is impossible with God. Elizabeth and Mary were relatives and upon receiving this message from Gabriel Mary decided to visit Elizabeth. I can just picture Mary on her long journey to Elizabeth's home, scared to death about her future, and desperately seeking wisdom from an older woman in her family.

Mary finally made it to the home of Zechariah and Elizabeth. Zechariah greeted Mary and from another room Elizabeth heard Mary's familiar voice. As soon as she heard this voice the baby leaped in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Isn't that amazing?? You see, that is why Elizabeth is considered the first to acknowledge Jesus as Lord.

Elizabeth's neighbors and relatives were delighted to hear that she had given birth to a son. It was practice to name a son after his father. But Elizabeth would not have it. She sternly replied, "No! He is to be called John." The group looked to Zechariah for confirmation. Now, remember Zechariah is mute because of his disbelief during Gabriel's visit. Zechariah grabbed a tablet and wrote, "His name is John." Immediately his mouth opened and he could speak again.....praising God. And that, my friends, is how John the Baptist came to be.....by the way, the name John means "The Lord is Gracious"

John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" --John 1:29

Because I asked the Lord for Him...

Hannah's story is such a comfort to my soul. Let's start out with some background information.

Hannah's story can be found in Samuel 1:1-2:11.

Hannah was married to Elkanah. Elkanah also had another wife, Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. Polygamy was a custom during this time to ensure the birth of a male heir. It was practiced even by godly men, though it was not the original divine intention. Even though Elkanah had two wives, his one true love was Hannah (But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. 1 Samuel 1:5). Peninnah was not a nice girl. She provoked and taunted Hannah. I can't imagine the emotions I would feel if someone were teasing me about my infertility. I probably wouldn't act very godly! I am sure Peninnah was acting out of jealousy because she knew she would never be loved by the man she was married to.

Three times a year Elkanah went to Shiloh to appear before the Lord for a feast that celebrated, with joy and feasting, God's blessing on the year's crops. Imagine how hard this had to be for Hannah. What crops can she be thankful for? The journey was only fifteen miles, but I will assume that every year it seemed longer and longer. This went on year after year. And every time Peninnah provoked Hannah until she wept and would not eat. And Elkanah would say, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" (1 Samuel 1:8).

On this particular trip Hannah stood up from the table and went to the temple. She went into the temple with bitterness in her soul. She cried out to God and made a vow saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head. " (1 Samuel 1:11). Hannah was so consumed by her prayer that the priest thought she was drunk and scolded her. She explained that she was a woman deeply troubled pouring her soul out to the Lord. Can't you just picture it? Hannah is consumed in prayer physically shaking with groans that words cannot express.

Once Hannah left the temple her face was no longer downcast. Why is this? God did not promise her a child. God provided Hannah with a big dose of peace that passes all understanding. The next morning they worshipped and returned home. AND....so in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying "Because I asked the Lord for him." (1 Samuel 1:20)

Now this is great and wonderful, but my first thought when reading is that she has to give him away...she made a vow to God. WOW, Mahala, don't all children belong to God? Hannah nursed Samuel until she weaned him. Once he was weaned she took him to the house of the Lord. Okay...can I just say that I would be one of those strange people in the park nursing a 15 year old!! But she did it...she gave him to the Lord for his whole life. Each year she made him a little robe and took it to him. Then God blessed her again and again...she conceived and gave birth to 3 sons and 2 daughters! And Samuel grew to be a prophet and Israel's last judge. AMAZING!

I leave you with Hannah's Prayer (1 Samuel 2:1-10):

My heart rejoices in the Lord;

in the Lord my horn is lifted high.

My mouth boasts over my enemies,

for I delight in your deliverance.

There is no one holy like the Lord;

there is no one besides you;

there is no Rock like our God.

Do not keep talking so proudly or let your moth speak such arrogance,

for the Lord is a God who knows and by him deeds are weighed.

The bows of the warriors are broken,

but those who stumbled are armed with strength.

Those who were full hire themselves out for food,

but those who were hungry hunger no more.

She who was barren has borne seven children,

but she who has had many sons pines away.

The Lord brings death and makes alive;

He brings down to the grave and raises up.

The Lord sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts.

He raises the poor from the dust

and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.

For the foundations of the earth are the Lord's;

upon them he has set the world.

He will guard the feet of his saints,

but the wicked will be silenced in darkness.

It is not by strength that one prevails;

those who oppose the Lord will be shattered.

He will thunder against them from heaven;

the Lord will judge the ends of the earth.

He will give strength to his king and exalt the horn of his anointed.

Women of the Bible

I am studying different women in the Bible who experienced infertility (although it was called barrenness then). I find it interesting to see how they reacted to this heartache, how faithful they were through it all, and how God blessed them (in many more ways that just blessing them with the ability to conceive). I figured I might as well turn my waiting into something productive. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. One of my resources is Women of the Bible: A One-Year Devotional Study of Women in Scripture by Ann Spangler and Jean E. Syswerda.

Waiting....Table for 2...right this way....

Well, the IUI went well. Norman's counts were good. Dr. Honea found my cervix...that's always helpful. Now we just wait 2 weeks to get results. I go back on July 28th for a blood test to see if I'm pregnant. These 2 weeks always draaaaaag on. I shouldn't rush it since school will be starting soon. In the meantime I will try not to read into every little thing my body does in hopes that it is a pregnancy symptom. Wish me luck with that. Thanks for all the prayers and sweet comments, texts, and Facebook messages. Much love.

I have a confession.....

....I parked in an "expectant mothers" space today...there...I said it. Please forgive me especially if you have ever been a true expectant mother and your parking spot was taken. I'm sure karma will come back to visit one of these days. Norman almost died when I pulled into the spot, but we were running late and I had to be back in Jacksonville to teach by 10:00. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Plus, I "expect" to be a mother someday so that counts for something, right??

The lining of my uterus had thickened...yay! It wasn't as thick as they like it, but it was "thick enough" according to the nurse. On my left ovary I have one egg that is nice and plump...two more are still following close behind. We go back for IUI on Wednesday.

On the way home Norman googled all the foods he needs to be eating for his swimmers to be healthy. Here is the list that he gave me:

kiwi
asparagus
pumpkin seeds
salmon
eggs

We are having salmon and asparagus for dinner tonight. Eggs tomorrow morning. And he can snack on pumpkin seeds and kiwi all day tomorrow :) Sounds yummy.

My prayer for the next two weeks: (from my book, Hannah's Hope)

Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off myself. Take my eyes off the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and anymore.

Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.

Lord, You know that I still desire a baby-someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.
Thank you for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!

Well, today's appointment brought mixed emotions...I am feeling really ho-hum about the whole ordeal. They are always so quick to stick me for my blood and then I had to wait FOREVER (it seemed) for my u/s. I was happy to know that a nurse was doing my u/s and not a tech who would say more than she was supposed to. She looked at my uterus first and said the lining was very thin. At this point in my cycle it should be a little thicker. She scanned my right ovary first and Norman almost choked when she said there were 13 eggs...no, he DID choke...out loud. But she went on to say that they were all very small and no good. Then she moved over to my left ovary...which has always been more productive than my right. On the left side there was one egg that measured "almost ready" and 2 more following close behind. After the dr. reviewed my u/s and bloodwork she recommended that I continue my Gonal-F injections tonight and tomorrow night. She also called in a prescription for Estradiol to thicken the lining of my uterus. My next appointment is Monday at 7:45. Grow, little eggs...GROW!

tomorrow

Just wanted to let everyone know that I have an appointment at 8am tomorrow (Saturday) morning. They will do another u/s to see if I am close to ready for IUI. Pray for happy ovaries and a few healthy eggs. Not too many...we're not the Gosselin's...don't want to be. HA! Speaking of celebrities, Celine Dion is preggo with TWINS! Seriously, what kind of water do these celebrities drink? I need to get me some....they pop out twins like crazy! :) I'll post an update after the appointment. Have a wonderful weekend!

Wait

"Wait"

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.

I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future, and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me 'wait'?

I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no,' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut

And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine

And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,

Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,

When darkness and silence was all you could see.

"You would never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late in the night;

The faith that I give when you walk without sight;

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'

Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,

But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you.

"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all...is still...wait."

Nurse Norman

Just thought you guys might find it amusing that Norman gets to stick me tonight. We have done this before so he is an old pro. I guess he will just dust off his nursing scrubs. ha! On a more serious note, I am always scared that I am not dialing up the right dosage. Pray that I don't over/underdose myself. Not that anything major would happen, but I want to be sure that I am getting the EXACT dosage. Plus the vials are $200. So, I definitely don't want to use any more than I need. This injection that I take tonight and 4 more days is Gonal-F and it is given in my stomach.

On a lighter note, we had a wonderful 4th of July. We went to my parents on Saturday. Mama had ordered a boston butt and a smoked chicken. She also cooked baked beans, mac & cheese, and dressing (a family favorite that we don't just reserve for Thanksgiving). It was delicious...as always. Norman and I rode the four wheeler and picked lots of blackberries. I also got to visit with my grandmother. On Sunday we headed to Pell City and watched the fireworks on the lake with some friends. Today (Monday) has been a pretty lazy day. I successfully made blackberry jam. I canned it and now I am listening to the lids pop which lets me know I did it right. YAY! I can't believe I did it with no help from my mama!

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34

Results from my appointment

My appointment this morning went well with a few little bumps along the way. First, let me start by saying that God provides the perfect people to be there when you need them. For some reason I had the "sense" that I did not need to go alone to the doctor. I asked a few friends very last minute and really didn't expect for anyone to be able to go considering it was the beginning of a holiday weekend (not to mention who wants to spend a Friday riding back and forth to Birmingham to the doctor??). Thankfully, my sweet friend Texann was able to go along with me. We arrived at the doctor's office right on time...we would've been early, but I thought I was smarter than my GPS....ooops. I had bloodwork drawn and then was called back for the ulatrasound. The tech began by looking at my uterus, and suddenly I swear the air left the room. I knew something was not right. I am sure that anyone who has ever had a medical scare by ultrasound can totally relate to this. As she scanned my uterus she pointed out a white-ish spot on my uterus. She asked if I had ever had an SIS. Since I had no idea what that was I told her no. She explained the procedure. Then she went on to ask if I have or have had endometriosis. I told her yes and about my laparoscopy procedure to remove it. She further explained that USUALLY endometriosis grows on the outside of your uterus but occassionally it can actually get into the muscle of your uterus. When this happens it is no longer called endometriosis. It is called "adenomyosis" (pronounce that).
So, immediately I start asking questions...Is it fixable? If so, how? Is this cancer? etc., etc., etc. To which she replies (and I quote), "Well, I am just the tech. I only know enough to be dangerous. You will have to talk to the nurse." YES...she really said this!! Are you kidding me? So, she finishes up the u/s. She looks at my ovaries. Which, by the way, looked beautiful. Twenty follicles on the right and 18 on the left. WOO-HOO!! I got dressed and waited in a conference room for the nurse....and freaked out a few hundred times. The nurse comes in and explains to me that because of the concern with my uterus the dr. will have to review the u/s before we make any decisions. As luck would have it, all the doctors are in surgery so I will have to wait for them to leave a message. In the meantime, she went ahead and called in all my prescriptions and told me to just continue as planned until I hear otherwise. So, I pay the bill and leave. On the way to the car I explained to Texann everything. We went to eat at Smokey Bones Alabama (yummy), did a little shopping at Whole Foods and then headed home. This is why I am confident that God had already planned for Texann to be with me today. She is so calming. If she had not been with me I would have sobbed all the way home in fear. Finally, at 4:00 I got the phone call that the dr. had looked at my u/s and wants us to go ahead as planned. I am taking this as good news. The nurse did say that I should talk to Dr. Honea about it next month if we aren't pregnant. So, that was my day. My meds are ordered and I will begin taking 5mg of letrozole tomorrow and begin injections on Sunday. My next appointment is July 10..next Saturday. Hope everyone has a wonderful Independence Day with family and friends. Thank you for your prayers.

Here we go again....

Well, today is Day 1. Norman and I talked last night and decided to go ahead with treatment this month. It is the last month before school starts back and my life turns into craziness. I will be going to ART tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. This appointment will be what they call "baseline". They will do an ultrasound to make sure that there are no cysts on my ovaries. I don't think there will be any bloodwork involved with this appointment. To be honest, I can't really remember it's been so long. It wouldn't matter anyway I have been stuck so many times I have scars (all jokes aside, I really do). They do this each month for my safety before beginning any meds. Just pray specifically for my safety as I travel because anytime 280 is involved there is danger....lol. More importantly, pray that there are no cysts and my ovaries are beautiful.:) I'll post again after the appointment. Geez, I'm nervous.
"How precious it is, Lord, to realize that You are thinking about me constantly! I can't even count how many times a day Your thoughts turn toward me. And when I waken in the morning, You are still thinking of me!"--Psalm 139:17-18

Oh, I may not understand...

...but I will lift up my eyes and trust this is Your plan.

Driving back and forth to Birmingham for class gives me a lot of time alone for prayer, worship, and thinking. It forces me to be quiet and still...something that can be quite difficult for me. The trip Saturday was perfect timing. It is the time of the month where any day now I will have a certain uninvited, unwelcomed visitor. I am already feeling some lovely cramps and "the girls" are a little tender. Sorry if this is TMI. Anyway, this time of the month usually gets me down a little (or a lot) and I am not even going to act like this time it's any different. Every month I think to myself, "Well, if I'm pregnant this time the baby will be here (insert month) and we can tell everyone we're expecting on (insert a special day such as anniversary, holiday, birthday, etc.)" I have often wondered why I do this to myself every month, but I can't control it. It's just where my mind wanders. I have also been trying to listen to the still, small voice that will give me peace about going back to the doctor. I/We really need to make a decision because day 1 could be tomorrow, and I will have to go for an ultrasound on days 1-3. This is the first month that I really don't already have my mind made up about what to do. I am usually 100% sure I'm going for treatment or 100% sure that I can't do it. I'll post again when I have peace about it.

Click to connect....

Alabama Children's Homes

Thank you to my sweet neighbor for telling me about this place. I had no idea it existed. I just want to share it with others.

good resource

"Hannah's Hope" is a book I am reading now. I love it. The author tells Hannah's story in a way that makes it feel like it's happening today instead of thousands of years ago. It would be a nice gift for anyone who has experienced infertility, miscarriage, or adoption loss.

Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake

Infertility 101....

I wanted to define some common "lingo" from the infertility world. I know you may not care about what any of these words mean, but chances are I am not the only person you know experiencing infertility. I wanted to do this so that when you are having conversations with people who are going down this path you will have an idea of what in the world they are talking about when they say words you can't even spell! It will make your conversation so much easier, and trust me they will feel comforted in knowing that you understand (even just a little bit). So, here we go:

**Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ARTs): A collection of medical procedures used to assist reproduction, such as IUI or IVF.

**Clomid: A common brand name for "clomiphene citrate", an oral medication prescribed to induce ovulation.

Ectopic Pregnancy: A pregnancy in which the baby implants somewhere other than the mother's uterus, often in a fallopian tube. The mother's life is usually at risk as the pregnancy progresses.

**Endometriosis: A disease characterized by the growth of endometrium (tissue lining the uterus) outside of the uterus, causing lesions which may respond to the hormones of a woman's menstrual cycle by causing bleeding, inflammation, pain, adhesions, scar tissue, and infertility.

**Follicle: A "cyst" containing a maturing egg. When the follicle ruptures to release an egg from the ovary, the process is called ovulation.

**human chorionic gonadotropic (hCG): The "pregnancy hormone" detectable via urine or blood testing. This # rises rapidly during pregnancy. HCG is sometimes administered by injection to trigger ovulation in ARTS procedures.

**hysterosalpingogram (HSG): A procedure where x-ray observation of a woman's uterus and fallopian tubes is conducted by injecting dye through the cervix, allowing medical staff to evaluate uterine shape and openness of tubes.

**Intrauterine Insemination (IUI): A medical process for placing washed sperm into a woman's uterus near the time of ovulation.

In vitro fertilization (IVF): Eggs and sperm are collected from each partner and placed together to incubate outside the woman's body. If eggs are fertilized, developing embryos are then transferred into the mother's uterus and/or frozen for future pregnancy attempts.

**laparoscopy: "Band-Aid surgery" where a narrow telescope is inserted through small incisions in a woman's abdomen for the purpose of examining the exterior of her reproductive organs. Endometriosis can be diagnosed. This procedure is minor, but can still be rather painful and require several days of recover.

Selective reduction: the intentional abortion of one or more babies in a multiple pregnancy.

**Sperm washing: the separation of sperm from seminal fluids.

This is definitely not a complete list of all the terms. I just picked out a few that I thought were most common. I also included ** by the ones that I have a first-hand experience with. Please let me know if you have any questions about any of this or if there is something that I failed to cover! OK....go back to enjoying your summer break (if you're lucky enough to have one)...class dismissed. And I leave you with this.....Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart. --Proverbs 27: 9

Hovering...

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in no man's land...like you are just hovering over your life watching from afar as the story unfolds? I won't say that is EXACTLY how I have felt these past few months, but I have definitely had a "hovering" feeling more often than not. I guess because the process of fertility treatments is so busy and draining (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.). I just don't know how to feel when I am just living my "normal" life. I don't have to keep up with my cycle on a daily basis, wonder when the next ultrasound will be, watch for my injections to come in the mail, find a nurse who can give me the shots (or let Norman stick me), and last but not least think every little thing my body does is a sign that maybe, just maybe, I'm pregnant. But after typing all of that I do have to say....IT SURE HAS BEEN NICE!

The purpose of this blog was supposed to be to let you know where Norman and I stand today, but somehow turned into all that hovering talk. So, back to our current status! As you read in my first post, the failed IUI in November really took a toll on me...and we have been "on a break" since then. I have also learned a LOT about myself since then. Norman has told me from the very beginning...."Mahala, just give this all to God; lay it at His feet." And I wanted to...believe me I did. But would that mean to give up treatments? Would that mean I couldn't worry? Would that mean I had to be happy all the time that this pain was God's plan for my life? I was so scared about EXACTLY what that meant that I completely missed the point. Satan has a way of doing that to us. A few months later after much prayer and immersing myself in the Bible I realized...I don't have to give it all to God end of story. I have to give it to God every day of my life. Every morning when I wake up and infertility starts to haunt I immediately lay it at His feet. What a comfort. How peaceful.

So, as of today we are not actively using fertility drugs or treatments. This is definitely not to say that we won't ever. We could again as early as my next cycle. But, we have also been researching and inquiring about foster care/adoption. We have contacted the Alabama Baptist Children's Home (www.abchome.org). We will soon begin the process of becoming a licensed foster care family. How exciting! Working in a school has given me a first-hand glimpse at how our children are in need of loving foster families. We have to complete classes, background checks, fingerprinting, home visits, and the list goes on and on. So, it is a lengthy process that can take 6months to a year....which means yet again I am hovering. But that's ok...it will be worth it!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." --Isaiah 55:8-9

Hello Big Blogging World...

Well, Hello blogging world! I have been contemplating this for some months now and today is the day! In 1 month I will celebrate 4 years of marriage to my best friend! WOW! Norman is an amazing man....and a big ol' baby when he needs some doting. I am sure most of you know my reason for starting this blog, but just in case you don't I shall fill you in. The best way I can think to do this is by sharing a little piece of a "love" note that I wrote for Norman not too long ago......
........It all started in the beautiful, romantic, Southern town of Savannah. I didn't want to rush into having a family because I wanted us to enjoy one another, but deep down inside I wanted to get pregnant on my honeymoon. I have always dreamed of being a mommy and when we were married I knew not only had I married an amazing husband, but I had married an amazing daddy as well. So on our honeymoon I just KNEW we would get pregnant....a little girl with pretty pink bows who we would name Savannah or a precious baby boy with chubby little legs named Marshall (after the hotel where we stayed, The Marshall House...which I highly recommend...but I digress). The honeymoon came and went and it didn't happen for us. No Biggie. But after a few more months I had a feeling in my gut that something wasn't right....something might be wrong. A little over a year later I finally decided to request the necessary blood work which confirmed my fears. Some of the saddest words I've ever heard were, "Mrs. Turner, we are referring you to our infertility clinic." I remember it so vividly. It was after I had gotten home from school one afternoon when I received that phone call. I almost couldn't keep the tears at bay to say thank-you and good-bye to the nurse. So, head first, I jumped into the world of infertility dragging you along with me. Still, I was positive and thought the problem would only take a few months to "fix" and then our baby (or babies...since we were at a greater risk for multiples) would have a cute little picture hanging on the waiting room wall at St.Vincent's infertility clinic....maybe a birth announcement, or Christmas card, or just a family portrait. Anything to boast that we had overcome our struggle with infertility. But eventually (about 2 years later) our sweet nurse, Tracy, told us we should go somewhere else where they could be more aggressive. So....Brookwood (ART-Alabama Reproductive Technologies) it was....more aggressive here we come!.... After getting the "not pregnant" news after the second IUI I really felt like a piece of me died that day. It was the weirdest feeling ever...the numbness...the blank stare...all the way home. Norman, you were/are/have always been so strong. Since then, God has given me the peace that I need to look at babies and strollers and pregnant bellies and not get upset. God has been right beside me the whole time--even when I wanted to be in control (which I have to admit was most of the time). But honey, I am CERTAIN God has an amazing plan for us.....we only have to look into those holy books that sit on our nightstands to find that promise over and over again......

I think this is enough for my first post. Please feel free to comment...maybe I can figure out how to check them.:-) And just bear with me as my blog is under construction in these first few days or weeks. Also understand that there is so much I want to share, but that too will come with time. Thanks for taking the time to read my very first blog! And please understand that I have truly transformed from heartache to hope! Love!