Saturday, June 26, 2010

Oh, I may not understand...

...but I will lift up my eyes and trust this is Your plan.

Driving back and forth to Birmingham for class gives me a lot of time alone for prayer, worship, and thinking. It forces me to be quiet and still...something that can be quite difficult for me. The trip Saturday was perfect timing. It is the time of the month where any day now I will have a certain uninvited, unwelcomed visitor. I am already feeling some lovely cramps and "the girls" are a little tender. Sorry if this is TMI. Anyway, this time of the month usually gets me down a little (or a lot) and I am not even going to act like this time it's any different. Every month I think to myself, "Well, if I'm pregnant this time the baby will be here (insert month) and we can tell everyone we're expecting on (insert a special day such as anniversary, holiday, birthday, etc.)" I have often wondered why I do this to myself every month, but I can't control it. It's just where my mind wanders. I have also been trying to listen to the still, small voice that will give me peace about going back to the doctor. I/We really need to make a decision because day 1 could be tomorrow, and I will have to go for an ultrasound on days 1-3. This is the first month that I really don't already have my mind made up about what to do. I am usually 100% sure I'm going for treatment or 100% sure that I can't do it. I'll post again when I have peace about it.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Click to connect....

Alabama Children's Homes

Thank you to my sweet neighbor for telling me about this place. I had no idea it existed. I just want to share it with others.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

good resource

"Hannah's Hope" is a book I am reading now. I love it. The author tells Hannah's story in a way that makes it feel like it's happening today instead of thousands of years ago. It would be a nice gift for anyone who has experienced infertility, miscarriage, or adoption loss.

Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake

Monday, June 21, 2010

Infertility 101....

I wanted to define some common "lingo" from the infertility world. I know you may not care about what any of these words mean, but chances are I am not the only person you know experiencing infertility. I wanted to do this so that when you are having conversations with people who are going down this path you will have an idea of what in the world they are talking about when they say words you can't even spell! It will make your conversation so much easier, and trust me they will feel comforted in knowing that you understand (even just a little bit). So, here we go:

**Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ARTs): A collection of medical procedures used to assist reproduction, such as IUI or IVF.

**Clomid: A common brand name for "clomiphene citrate", an oral medication prescribed to induce ovulation.

Ectopic Pregnancy: A pregnancy in which the baby implants somewhere other than the mother's uterus, often in a fallopian tube. The mother's life is usually at risk as the pregnancy progresses.

**Endometriosis: A disease characterized by the growth of endometrium (tissue lining the uterus) outside of the uterus, causing lesions which may respond to the hormones of a woman's menstrual cycle by causing bleeding, inflammation, pain, adhesions, scar tissue, and infertility.

**Follicle: A "cyst" containing a maturing egg. When the follicle ruptures to release an egg from the ovary, the process is called ovulation.

**human chorionic gonadotropic (hCG): The "pregnancy hormone" detectable via urine or blood testing. This # rises rapidly during pregnancy. HCG is sometimes administered by injection to trigger ovulation in ARTS procedures.

**hysterosalpingogram (HSG): A procedure where x-ray observation of a woman's uterus and fallopian tubes is conducted by injecting dye through the cervix, allowing medical staff to evaluate uterine shape and openness of tubes.

**Intrauterine Insemination (IUI): A medical process for placing washed sperm into a woman's uterus near the time of ovulation.

In vitro fertilization (IVF): Eggs and sperm are collected from each partner and placed together to incubate outside the woman's body. If eggs are fertilized, developing embryos are then transferred into the mother's uterus and/or frozen for future pregnancy attempts.

**laparoscopy: "Band-Aid surgery" where a narrow telescope is inserted through small incisions in a woman's abdomen for the purpose of examining the exterior of her reproductive organs. Endometriosis can be diagnosed. This procedure is minor, but can still be rather painful and require several days of recover.

Selective reduction: the intentional abortion of one or more babies in a multiple pregnancy.

**Sperm washing: the separation of sperm from seminal fluids.

This is definitely not a complete list of all the terms. I just picked out a few that I thought were most common. I also included ** by the ones that I have a first-hand experience with. Please let me know if you have any questions about any of this or if there is something that I failed to cover! OK....go back to enjoying your summer break (if you're lucky enough to have one)...class dismissed. And I leave you with this.....Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart. --Proverbs 27: 9

Thursday, June 17, 2010


Do you ever feel like you are stuck in no man's you are just hovering over your life watching from afar as the story unfolds? I won't say that is EXACTLY how I have felt these past few months, but I have definitely had a "hovering" feeling more often than not. I guess because the process of fertility treatments is so busy and draining (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.). I just don't know how to feel when I am just living my "normal" life. I don't have to keep up with my cycle on a daily basis, wonder when the next ultrasound will be, watch for my injections to come in the mail, find a nurse who can give me the shots (or let Norman stick me), and last but not least think every little thing my body does is a sign that maybe, just maybe, I'm pregnant. But after typing all of that I do have to say....IT SURE HAS BEEN NICE!

The purpose of this blog was supposed to be to let you know where Norman and I stand today, but somehow turned into all that hovering talk. So, back to our current status! As you read in my first post, the failed IUI in November really took a toll on me...and we have been "on a break" since then. I have also learned a LOT about myself since then. Norman has told me from the very beginning...."Mahala, just give this all to God; lay it at His feet." And I wanted to...believe me I did. But would that mean to give up treatments? Would that mean I couldn't worry? Would that mean I had to be happy all the time that this pain was God's plan for my life? I was so scared about EXACTLY what that meant that I completely missed the point. Satan has a way of doing that to us. A few months later after much prayer and immersing myself in the Bible I realized...I don't have to give it all to God end of story. I have to give it to God every day of my life. Every morning when I wake up and infertility starts to haunt I immediately lay it at His feet. What a comfort. How peaceful.

So, as of today we are not actively using fertility drugs or treatments. This is definitely not to say that we won't ever. We could again as early as my next cycle. But, we have also been researching and inquiring about foster care/adoption. We have contacted the Alabama Baptist Children's Home ( We will soon begin the process of becoming a licensed foster care family. How exciting! Working in a school has given me a first-hand glimpse at how our children are in need of loving foster families. We have to complete classes, background checks, fingerprinting, home visits, and the list goes on and on. So, it is a lengthy process that can take 6months to a year....which means yet again I am hovering. But that's will be worth it!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." --Isaiah 55:8-9

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hello Big Blogging World...

Well, Hello blogging world! I have been contemplating this for some months now and today is the day! In 1 month I will celebrate 4 years of marriage to my best friend! WOW! Norman is an amazing man....and a big ol' baby when he needs some doting. I am sure most of you know my reason for starting this blog, but just in case you don't I shall fill you in. The best way I can think to do this is by sharing a little piece of a "love" note that I wrote for Norman not too long ago......
........It all started in the beautiful, romantic, Southern town of Savannah. I didn't want to rush into having a family because I wanted us to enjoy one another, but deep down inside I wanted to get pregnant on my honeymoon. I have always dreamed of being a mommy and when we were married I knew not only had I married an amazing husband, but I had married an amazing daddy as well. So on our honeymoon I just KNEW we would get pregnant....a little girl with pretty pink bows who we would name Savannah or a precious baby boy with chubby little legs named Marshall (after the hotel where we stayed, The Marshall House...which I highly recommend...but I digress). The honeymoon came and went and it didn't happen for us. No Biggie. But after a few more months I had a feeling in my gut that something wasn't right....something might be wrong. A little over a year later I finally decided to request the necessary blood work which confirmed my fears. Some of the saddest words I've ever heard were, "Mrs. Turner, we are referring you to our infertility clinic." I remember it so vividly. It was after I had gotten home from school one afternoon when I received that phone call. I almost couldn't keep the tears at bay to say thank-you and good-bye to the nurse. So, head first, I jumped into the world of infertility dragging you along with me. Still, I was positive and thought the problem would only take a few months to "fix" and then our baby (or babies...since we were at a greater risk for multiples) would have a cute little picture hanging on the waiting room wall at St.Vincent's infertility clinic....maybe a birth announcement, or Christmas card, or just a family portrait. Anything to boast that we had overcome our struggle with infertility. But eventually (about 2 years later) our sweet nurse, Tracy, told us we should go somewhere else where they could be more aggressive. So....Brookwood (ART-Alabama Reproductive Technologies) it was....more aggressive here we come!.... After getting the "not pregnant" news after the second IUI I really felt like a piece of me died that day. It was the weirdest feeling ever...the numbness...the blank stare...all the way home. Norman, you were/are/have always been so strong. Since then, God has given me the peace that I need to look at babies and strollers and pregnant bellies and not get upset. God has been right beside me the whole time--even when I wanted to be in control (which I have to admit was most of the time). But honey, I am CERTAIN God has an amazing plan for us.....we only have to look into those holy books that sit on our nightstands to find that promise over and over again......

I think this is enough for my first post. Please feel free to comment...maybe I can figure out how to check them.:-) And just bear with me as my blog is under construction in these first few days or weeks. Also understand that there is so much I want to share, but that too will come with time. Thanks for taking the time to read my very first blog! And please understand that I have truly transformed from heartache to hope! Love!