Saturday, June 26, 2010

Oh, I may not understand...

...but I will lift up my eyes and trust this is Your plan.

Driving back and forth to Birmingham for class gives me a lot of time alone for prayer, worship, and thinking. It forces me to be quiet and still...something that can be quite difficult for me. The trip Saturday was perfect timing. It is the time of the month where any day now I will have a certain uninvited, unwelcomed visitor. I am already feeling some lovely cramps and "the girls" are a little tender. Sorry if this is TMI. Anyway, this time of the month usually gets me down a little (or a lot) and I am not even going to act like this time it's any different. Every month I think to myself, "Well, if I'm pregnant this time the baby will be here (insert month) and we can tell everyone we're expecting on (insert a special day such as anniversary, holiday, birthday, etc.)" I have often wondered why I do this to myself every month, but I can't control it. It's just where my mind wanders. I have also been trying to listen to the still, small voice that will give me peace about going back to the doctor. I/We really need to make a decision because day 1 could be tomorrow, and I will have to go for an ultrasound on days 1-3. This is the first month that I really don't already have my mind made up about what to do. I am usually 100% sure I'm going for treatment or 100% sure that I can't do it. I'll post again when I have peace about it.

1 comment:

  1. ohh my! i seriously thought i was alone with the what if its this month i'd be due this month etc..if this makes any sense to you me reading your thoughts,feelings,emotions makes me really realise im not alone with these mixed emotions! thank you so much! GOD IS GREAT! and i like you pray about the infertility so much! your not alone and are always in my thoughts and prayers