Do you ever feel like you are stuck in no man's land...like you are just hovering over your life watching from afar as the story unfolds? I won't say that is EXACTLY how I have felt these past few months, but I have definitely had a "hovering" feeling more often than not. I guess because the process of fertility treatments is so busy and draining (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.). I just don't know how to feel when I am just living my "normal" life. I don't have to keep up with my cycle on a daily basis, wonder when the next ultrasound will be, watch for my injections to come in the mail, find a nurse who can give me the shots (or let Norman stick me), and last but not least think every little thing my body does is a sign that maybe, just maybe, I'm pregnant. But after typing all of that I do have to say....IT SURE HAS BEEN NICE!
The purpose of this blog was supposed to be to let you know where Norman and I stand today, but somehow turned into all that hovering talk. So, back to our current status! As you read in my first post, the failed IUI in November really took a toll on me...and we have been "on a break" since then. I have also learned a LOT about myself since then. Norman has told me from the very beginning...."Mahala, just give this all to God; lay it at His feet." And I wanted to...believe me I did. But would that mean to give up treatments? Would that mean I couldn't worry? Would that mean I had to be happy all the time that this pain was God's plan for my life? I was so scared about EXACTLY what that meant that I completely missed the point. Satan has a way of doing that to us. A few months later after much prayer and immersing myself in the Bible I realized...I don't have to give it all to God end of story. I have to give it to God every day of my life. Every morning when I wake up and infertility starts to haunt I immediately lay it at His feet. What a comfort. How peaceful.
So, as of today we are not actively using fertility drugs or treatments. This is definitely not to say that we won't ever. We could again as early as my next cycle. But, we have also been researching and inquiring about foster care/adoption. We have contacted the Alabama Baptist Children's Home (www.abchome.org). We will soon begin the process of becoming a licensed foster care family. How exciting! Working in a school has given me a first-hand glimpse at how our children are in need of loving foster families. We have to complete classes, background checks, fingerprinting, home visits, and the list goes on and on. So, it is a lengthy process that can take 6months to a year....which means yet again I am hovering. But that's ok...it will be worth it!
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." --Isaiah 55:8-9