I have a confession.....

....I parked in an "expectant mothers" space today...there...I said it. Please forgive me especially if you have ever been a true expectant mother and your parking spot was taken. I'm sure karma will come back to visit one of these days. Norman almost died when I pulled into the spot, but we were running late and I had to be back in Jacksonville to teach by 10:00. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Plus, I "expect" to be a mother someday so that counts for something, right??

The lining of my uterus had thickened...yay! It wasn't as thick as they like it, but it was "thick enough" according to the nurse. On my left ovary I have one egg that is nice and plump...two more are still following close behind. We go back for IUI on Wednesday.

On the way home Norman googled all the foods he needs to be eating for his swimmers to be healthy. Here is the list that he gave me:

kiwi
asparagus
pumpkin seeds
salmon
eggs

We are having salmon and asparagus for dinner tonight. Eggs tomorrow morning. And he can snack on pumpkin seeds and kiwi all day tomorrow :) Sounds yummy.

My prayer for the next two weeks: (from my book, Hannah's Hope)

Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off myself. Take my eyes off the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and anymore.

Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.

Lord, You know that I still desire a baby-someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.
Thank you for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!

Well, today's appointment brought mixed emotions...I am feeling really ho-hum about the whole ordeal. They are always so quick to stick me for my blood and then I had to wait FOREVER (it seemed) for my u/s. I was happy to know that a nurse was doing my u/s and not a tech who would say more than she was supposed to. She looked at my uterus first and said the lining was very thin. At this point in my cycle it should be a little thicker. She scanned my right ovary first and Norman almost choked when she said there were 13 eggs...no, he DID choke...out loud. But she went on to say that they were all very small and no good. Then she moved over to my left ovary...which has always been more productive than my right. On the left side there was one egg that measured "almost ready" and 2 more following close behind. After the dr. reviewed my u/s and bloodwork she recommended that I continue my Gonal-F injections tonight and tomorrow night. She also called in a prescription for Estradiol to thicken the lining of my uterus. My next appointment is Monday at 7:45. Grow, little eggs...GROW!

tomorrow

Just wanted to let everyone know that I have an appointment at 8am tomorrow (Saturday) morning. They will do another u/s to see if I am close to ready for IUI. Pray for happy ovaries and a few healthy eggs. Not too many...we're not the Gosselin's...don't want to be. HA! Speaking of celebrities, Celine Dion is preggo with TWINS! Seriously, what kind of water do these celebrities drink? I need to get me some....they pop out twins like crazy! :) I'll post an update after the appointment. Have a wonderful weekend!

Wait

"Wait"

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.

I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future, and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me 'wait'?

I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no,' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut

And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine

And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,

Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,

When darkness and silence was all you could see.

"You would never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late in the night;

The faith that I give when you walk without sight;

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'

Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,

But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you.

"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all...is still...wait."

Nurse Norman

Just thought you guys might find it amusing that Norman gets to stick me tonight. We have done this before so he is an old pro. I guess he will just dust off his nursing scrubs. ha! On a more serious note, I am always scared that I am not dialing up the right dosage. Pray that I don't over/underdose myself. Not that anything major would happen, but I want to be sure that I am getting the EXACT dosage. Plus the vials are $200. So, I definitely don't want to use any more than I need. This injection that I take tonight and 4 more days is Gonal-F and it is given in my stomach.

On a lighter note, we had a wonderful 4th of July. We went to my parents on Saturday. Mama had ordered a boston butt and a smoked chicken. She also cooked baked beans, mac & cheese, and dressing (a family favorite that we don't just reserve for Thanksgiving). It was delicious...as always. Norman and I rode the four wheeler and picked lots of blackberries. I also got to visit with my grandmother. On Sunday we headed to Pell City and watched the fireworks on the lake with some friends. Today (Monday) has been a pretty lazy day. I successfully made blackberry jam. I canned it and now I am listening to the lids pop which lets me know I did it right. YAY! I can't believe I did it with no help from my mama!

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34

Results from my appointment

My appointment this morning went well with a few little bumps along the way. First, let me start by saying that God provides the perfect people to be there when you need them. For some reason I had the "sense" that I did not need to go alone to the doctor. I asked a few friends very last minute and really didn't expect for anyone to be able to go considering it was the beginning of a holiday weekend (not to mention who wants to spend a Friday riding back and forth to Birmingham to the doctor??). Thankfully, my sweet friend Texann was able to go along with me. We arrived at the doctor's office right on time...we would've been early, but I thought I was smarter than my GPS....ooops. I had bloodwork drawn and then was called back for the ulatrasound. The tech began by looking at my uterus, and suddenly I swear the air left the room. I knew something was not right. I am sure that anyone who has ever had a medical scare by ultrasound can totally relate to this. As she scanned my uterus she pointed out a white-ish spot on my uterus. She asked if I had ever had an SIS. Since I had no idea what that was I told her no. She explained the procedure. Then she went on to ask if I have or have had endometriosis. I told her yes and about my laparoscopy procedure to remove it. She further explained that USUALLY endometriosis grows on the outside of your uterus but occassionally it can actually get into the muscle of your uterus. When this happens it is no longer called endometriosis. It is called "adenomyosis" (pronounce that).
So, immediately I start asking questions...Is it fixable? If so, how? Is this cancer? etc., etc., etc. To which she replies (and I quote), "Well, I am just the tech. I only know enough to be dangerous. You will have to talk to the nurse." YES...she really said this!! Are you kidding me? So, she finishes up the u/s. She looks at my ovaries. Which, by the way, looked beautiful. Twenty follicles on the right and 18 on the left. WOO-HOO!! I got dressed and waited in a conference room for the nurse....and freaked out a few hundred times. The nurse comes in and explains to me that because of the concern with my uterus the dr. will have to review the u/s before we make any decisions. As luck would have it, all the doctors are in surgery so I will have to wait for them to leave a message. In the meantime, she went ahead and called in all my prescriptions and told me to just continue as planned until I hear otherwise. So, I pay the bill and leave. On the way to the car I explained to Texann everything. We went to eat at Smokey Bones Alabama (yummy), did a little shopping at Whole Foods and then headed home. This is why I am confident that God had already planned for Texann to be with me today. She is so calming. If she had not been with me I would have sobbed all the way home in fear. Finally, at 4:00 I got the phone call that the dr. had looked at my u/s and wants us to go ahead as planned. I am taking this as good news. The nurse did say that I should talk to Dr. Honea about it next month if we aren't pregnant. So, that was my day. My meds are ordered and I will begin taking 5mg of letrozole tomorrow and begin injections on Sunday. My next appointment is July 10..next Saturday. Hope everyone has a wonderful Independence Day with family and friends. Thank you for your prayers.

Here we go again....

Well, today is Day 1. Norman and I talked last night and decided to go ahead with treatment this month. It is the last month before school starts back and my life turns into craziness. I will be going to ART tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. This appointment will be what they call "baseline". They will do an ultrasound to make sure that there are no cysts on my ovaries. I don't think there will be any bloodwork involved with this appointment. To be honest, I can't really remember it's been so long. It wouldn't matter anyway I have been stuck so many times I have scars (all jokes aside, I really do). They do this each month for my safety before beginning any meds. Just pray specifically for my safety as I travel because anytime 280 is involved there is danger....lol. More importantly, pray that there are no cysts and my ovaries are beautiful.:) I'll post again after the appointment. Geez, I'm nervous.
"How precious it is, Lord, to realize that You are thinking about me constantly! I can't even count how many times a day Your thoughts turn toward me. And when I waken in the morning, You are still thinking of me!"--Psalm 139:17-18